The following stories are true. They are told by either the person who suffered at the hands of a Catholic priest, nun, brother, friar, or by a witness or surviving family member.
Below are links to accounts of childhood sexual trauma by collared, habitted, or robed employees of the Roman Catholic Church. The nature of the criminal acts described in these accounts leaves behind lifelong wounds that are not always visible to eye as do the wounds of physical abuse such as bloody lips and broken limbs. The wounds - and the pain - caused by emotional, spiritual, and sexual abuse - are much deeper and more profound. They are longer lasting; in fact, they never go away. Many survivors of childhood sexual assault, particulary by 'religious' figures have referred to their trauma as 'soul murder' which leaves a spiritual disconnectedness that is possible - but difficult - to heal. Some survivors describe how they felt they were being "raped by God" and thought that God hated them, and, if even God hated them, they must be absolutely worthless. The immense pain and confusion experienced by these children, from the moment they are assaulted to well into adulthood, in many cases, is beyond measure.
Victims and survivors of childhood sexual - and all kinds of abuse - are to be commended for the courage they exhibit by relating their accounts which they can only do by reliving those horrible moments. By doing so, they are helping to protect future generations from suffering from similar criminal acts and the subsequent challenges that often follow.
Here are their stories.
"I didn't know where to turn or who to tell. Father Pohlen had placed me there, so I couldn't say anything to him, and the nuns were so cold. They didn't care about our feelings or our mental state and showed us no affection. They wanted our souls and to teach us to fear God. Sometimes they'd whip us -- holding us with the left hand while using the right to beat us with a rubber hose." Click on the image to read this account
"It was at that moment that she was right and my parents became wrong. She was very good. She knew that would be the reaction of my parents and she knew that would cause a wedge. And it did." Click on the image to read this account.
"Oddly enough, and I learned later in life, I was to feel something that was consistent with this type of abuse. When I saw other kids in Fr. V's room I got a little jealous. That didn't last Later I began to feel good about it, knowing it was somebody else's turn and not me. Boys going up to his room was like a revolving door. His appetite was insatiable!" Click on the image to read this account.
"Since 2003, I have continued to grow and heal. The assault and its aftermath has scarred and affected me, but the ravages it caused no longer dominate. Having suffered such torture, I will never be the same, but I hope to use my sufferings in helping others. I have received many blessings and trust that as time goes on, my life’s work will unfold and become clearer." Click on the image to read this account.
"She taught me how the Eskimos kissed. A few days later, she showed me how the Americans kissed. A few days later, she taught me how the French kissed." Click on the image to read this account.
"At age five, 1954, 'the Bishop' (Card. Stritch) stood over me and said, 'Stop babbling about what Father Horne did to you.' It took me 40 years to talk about it again." Click on the image above to read this account.
"Rodriguez said he was sent for residential psychological treatment at St. John Vianney Center in Pennsylvania and forced out of the Illinois diocese in 2006 after telling his superiors about the abuse." Click on the image to read this account.
"I had a lot of behavioral problems back them. I know the source of my alcoholism and drug abuse is directly related to the abuse, but also the fact that my first sexual experience was first with this priest. The first drink of alcohol I ever had was with this priest. And being a young, impressionable teenage kid, I knew it was wrong but it seemed it was okay, because Father said it was okay. And so I remained in a state of denial about my own abuse, and tried to do normal things with other kids. I never felt like I connected. I never felt like I belonged anywhere." Click on the image to read the full account.
"I told him to stop and tried to push him away and get out of the bed. He grabbed me firmly and tightly and told me very sternly to stop. He asked me something like, 'Where are you going to go? I am not trying to hurt you. I've got your best interest at heart and there ain't a soul in the world that would believe I would put you in any position not good for you'." Click on the image to read this account.
"I lost my innocence that night. I did not even know it was possible for a man, let alone a priest, to do that to a young boy. There is nothing more innocent than a child. He had led me down this path by gaining my trust. I felt violated ever since." Click on the image to read this account.
"I too have a familiar story about how I was taken under the wing of a Catholic priest during my high school years, about how my parents were so proud that their son was looked upon so favorably by such an icon in the west side Cincinnati neighborhood, and how one day the trust and admiration I had for my priest were used against me in the name of his own perverted sexual gratification." Click on the image to read this account.
"I am a mother of a victim of sexual abuse by two Brothers of the Catholic Clergy. This also makes me, my husband and daughter victims as well. By this I mean that for 38 years we as a family couldn't understand our loved one, our son, who acted the way he has." Click on the image to read this account.
"The glimmer of knowing the truth and telling my truth was like a fragile rose seed being planted in my soul; but, because I didn't feel safe with myself and others, speaking more of this truth to myself and others was squelched for more years. However, this was indeed a beginning." Click on the image to read this account.
"Two days later, when Becky, Eric's older sister, visited him in the ward, she told him that we hated his idea of God, a vengeful God Who could never be pleased. We viewed him as a loving and merciful God. Asking him if he always felt that way about God, she was surprised at his answer, "No, it all changed when I was twelve". Click on the image to read this account.
"He had been grooming me. He had been building me up and smiling at me and what not, you know. Just when I thought he was the biggest guy in the world next to my dad, he got me in the trailer." Click on the image to read this account.
"For 72 hours, I felt like I was under constant attack. It was relentless. I mean, I felt like I was a prisoner at his house. ....I remember saying in a moment of silence, when I maybe slept for a couple of hours, 'God, is this ever going to end? When is it ever going to end?'" Click on the image to read this account.
"When I left her apartment, I almost walked under a truck. ......But it also became clear that both lawyers were in collusion with the priest and that the children were not their main concern. They were much more concerned about dates, i.e. the statute of limitations." Click on the image to read this account.
"The most painful state of being is remembering the future; particularly when it is one you can never have. I sit here and look at these drawings.... I think about what I might have been if it hadn't been for what he did to me." Click on the image to read this account.
"This man of God did the same thing to my mother! This crime that he committed against the both of us, is a crime of spiritual and emotional murder... We were made to feel dead spiritually and emotionally. This in turn made a dreadful effect on our health, both mentally and physically." Click on the image to read this account.
"She was not my ally and I knew that going into it. I has seen her tactics while sitting through my Grandmother and Mother's depositions. Even so, I had no idea how cruel she would be." Click on the image to read this account.
"Most of us would sleep on the floor in the dining room - but one of us would be chosen to sleep in Father's bed with him. Sometimes he would pick the boy to sleep with him, but most of the times we would be asked to choose among ourselves. If we did not make the determination quickly, Father would get upset and tell us to hurry up - often times a flip of a coin would decide the matter." Click on the image to read this account.
"My initial response to this experience was one of nausea and confusion. These were the same emotions I felt when I first heard Cardinal Law explain John Geoghan earlier this year. As the abuse continues over time, young vulnerable victims of priests wonder: "where can I go with this, who can I trust, I am so sad, I'm angry, I don't know where to turn." Click on the image to read this account.
"My name is Tim Fischer. I was raped by a Catholic priest when I was 11. His name was Fr. Norman H. Christian." Click on the image to read Tim's blog.
"I have been sexually abused by Father Coughlin and a big part of myself has been in a continual state of trauma over it." Click on the image to read the story of Eric Zapala, in his own words.
"Father Tim began to counsel me at this time. He told me numerous times that I was incapable of loving. I didn't know it at the time but Father Tim had already started grooming me." Click on the image to read this account.
"I felt trapped. My parents would be horrified to know their failure at marriage put their son at risk to be sexually abused and that the man abusing me was the high school chaplain and beloved priest." Click on the image to read this account.
"When I was a teenager, I was sexually abused by a priest in charge of a youth retreat facility. I was repeatedly incapacitated with medication and communion wine and abused in my sleep." Click on the image to read this account.
"I say to them today: you and your Church have taken 34 years of my life from me, my anguish does not ever end; like an incubus, Paul Shanley still haunts my dreams. And you Bernard, My Cardinal, My Prince of the Church, My Shepherd, My Father in Christ, how long have I hungered at your indifferent door, for a crumb of compassion, justice or mercy? - or even a crumb of simple honesty?" Click on the image to read this account.
"I was abused...and 25 years later I'm still trying to make things right. ..... During this time, I began to develop into two people -- the abused John, terrified and unable to get help, and the public John. I was a leader in my high school, an editor of the school paper, leader of the parish Folk Mass group, an ice hockey player and ultimately president of my senior class. I was not some strange kid in the shadows. Any mother in that parish would have been thrilled to have me date her daughter." Click on the image to read the full account.
Rape or Horseplay?
As have former Penn State football coach Jerry Sandusky and Roman Catholic priest in the Archdiocese of Chicago, Robert Peter Bowman, many sex-offenders of children deny accusations against them by claiming they were simply engaged in "horseplay", were "horsing around", or that their touches of affectionate "play" were misinterpreted by the accusers. To be sure, the experiences related by victims and survivors on these pages describe serious, violent and sexual crimes. They are sexual assaults, not "misinterpreted horseplay". Even as disgusting as the acts described here are, the actual crimes were most likely even more heinous than the survivors describe. Leon Podles, in his 2008 book Sacrilege, explains how victims tend to involuntarily block out the very worst of their trauma and then tend to keep the worst that they can remember to themselves. So, readers ought to keep in mind, as bad as it is described, the reality for these defenseless children was probably 2-3 times worse!
Leaders of the Roman Catholic Church - bishops, vicars, attorneys, and spokespersons - continue to dismiss and minimize the tens of thousands of violent crimes against children perpetrated by 'religious' employees of the Institution. In these cases, the children who experienced these assaults are much more credible than the grown adults who have chosen to put the interests of the Institution above the safety of children - and the truth. To emphasize this point, we quote the following observation as witnessed by a male child victim who was repeatedly raped by multiple Catholic priests as part of a Child Sex Ring in the Roman Catholic Diocese of Davenport, Iowa:
'"Janssen and Geerts [both Catholic priests] perform mutual fellatio on one another' and 'one of the boys performing fellatio on Geerts while Geerts was kissing another boy on the lips with his finger in the anus of the boy he was kissing'".
Is this what the Roman Catholic Church means by "horseplay"? It is said rape is not a crime which is sexual in nature as much as violent in nature. Rape, even with the 'compliance' of a groomed individual is a violent assault. The rapes of children are not just abusive, they are violent. This is not a "homosexual problem" as the Catholic League's Bill Donahue ignorantly argues. All children younger than 18 years of age are "under the age of consent". In all of these cases, the sex was non-consensual, despite what Bill Donahue and Catholic bishops claim. In every case, a crime was committed by either a Catholic priest, nun, friar, brother, or monk. In most of these cases, the rapist was never held criminally responsible as the statutes of limitations usually expire before victims are strong enough to bring forth charges.
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We are grateful to all of the courageous survivors who have shared their stories. By doing so, today's children and children of future generations will be better protected from such heinous crimes as described on these pages. If you would like to share your story to be published on this web site, please send it to our contact information below. Thank you.
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